


a friend is someone who supports your breath

by cloudysunglasses



Series: we need to share our wars [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Chara POV, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Charasriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-25 10:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9816773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudysunglasses/pseuds/cloudysunglasses
Summary: It's been a few years, and sometimes it seems like as soon as Chara gets used to one thing, something else happens to move the world out from under their feet.Or: The second human falls.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> takes place three years after [love is not afraid of you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9625019) and [to grow flowers in your flesh](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9695879). this really won't make any sense without having read those first, so i recommend you do that 0v0b
> 
> chara makes references to the buttercup incident as well as some vague references to their less than pleasant time on the surface, so be mindful of that.

Years pass.

You hardly notice it. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, all of these slip through your hands like water. Turn around, and you're twelve, turn around you're thirteen, turn around, turn around, turn around...

Something that remained constant was “homework”. No matter how much time passed, Toriel still had you sit in the garden for a few hours a day, soaking up as much sunlight as you could.

A flaw: it was December, and right now it was snowing.

You could tell because of the few snowflakes that managed to flow in through the barrier. Another thing you could tell that it was snowing heavily; there wouldn't be this many snowflakes if it was just a light storm.

The garden is bare, the cold weather meaning the flowers can't bloom right now. You miss the burst of colors this place used to be, but it is what it is.

You have lots of blankets and a big jacket to keep you company, at least, but you prop your legs up on one of your pillows and sigh.

It still hurts. Toriel tried so hard, but she couldn't fix everything, and it still hurts.

Asriel, who had been sitting next to you quietly doing his homework, stops to look at you.

“What's wrong, Chara?” He looks a little worried. “Are you gonna throw up? I can carry you to the bathroom - “

“No, that’s not necessary.” It seems like he doesn’t believe you, but he doesn’t push you any further, instead returning to his homework.

Unlike you, he actually goes to school. Toriel thought monster school would be too strenuous for you, even before your attempt, so she just tutored you at home, but Asriel had to leave every day for 8 hours, come home, and then do standard style homework.

It was nice, when the two of you got to do homework and “homework” together. A bonding activity that didn’t actually require too much emotional energy.

You glance over at him. You can tell Asriel’s trying to keep an eye on you too, just in case you really do need help, even as he chews on his pencil contemplating the math problem on the worksheet. 

Asriel had gotten much taller, while you...barely seemed to grow at all. Before, the two of you were around the same height, but now he was nearly a foot taller than you. You had made peace with it a while ago, but you were still waiting for your own growth spurt.

Without even thinking about it, you voice these complaints.

“I hope I get taller soon,” you mutter under your breath. “I’m sick of being so short.”

Asriel looks up from his work, and you feel a little bad for distracting him. His teacher actually held him to deadlines, while Toriel tended to be understanding of reasons why you might complete assignments later than you were supposed to.

It’s too late, though, so again - oh well.

“Don’t worry, Chara.” He’s trying to be reassuring, and it makes you feel terrible, because he’s being so kind, and it’s been years, but you have yet to do anything to deserve any of it. “You’re only 14, so you’ll grow big soon enough!”

“Actually, I’m 15,” you correct him. He was close, so whatever.

“Huh?” He blinks. “I thought you were 14?”

“I was, but my birthday was a few months ago,” you reply casually. You never actually told the Dreemurrs what your birthday was. It just didn’t feel relevant.

Asriel doesn’t seem to think so.

“It was?! When?”

“October 13th.”

“Chara…” He’s so shocked, and you don’t really get it. A birthday is just a day, just another year closer to your death. “Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t even get you a present, Mom and Dad would’ve wanted to know too, I - “

“Asriel,” you interrupt, before he couid babble on. “It’s fine. You don’t need to do anything special for me.”

“But I _want_ to.” He’s pouting now, and you don’t think he realizes it, but it’s amusing all the same. “I should tell them right now, we can throw a party for you and everything!”

He gets up, discarding his pencils and notebooks, and runs upstairs and into the main part of the house.

...You drag yourself to your feet and curse your horrible horrible body that your attempt had done nothing but weaken even further. Despite everything, standing up too fast left you lightheaded and sent a wave of pain through your abdomen that had you collapse back down into your nest of pillows and blankets. When you fall, get right back up; somehow, you managed to get up a second time, much more slowly but much more successfully.

It wasn’t fair, because not only was he taller and stronger and had longer legs, he didn’t have to deal with the same problems you did. Thus, he was long gone by the time you managed to drag yourself out on the garden and into the hallway up to New Home.

You slump against the entryway, bending over a bit. You shouldn't have tried to run, because you've already sapped what little strength you already had, and you hadn't even made it upstairs yet.

You try to get back up again and get through the hallway, leaning against the wall for support, but it's still ages before you can make it past the great hall and into the corridor that led to the stairs to the house. By then, he's already running back down to greet you.

“Chara!” His eyes are bright with excitement. “I talked to Dad and - “

He suddenly stops, as if he's realized something, and rushes past you back to the garden.

Asriel is not and has never been good at being subtle. You could already tell what he was thinking, you think, but maybe that was just you overestimating how much the Dreemurrs cared about you.

Even after all this time, you still couldn't force yourself to fully accept it, always keeping them at arm’s length. You weren’t worthy of their time, their effort, their love.

God, you’re so tired, and in so much pain. You sit down on the steps and try to rest a bit before getting up and going back to the garden to finish your “homework”.

It didn't even matter in this weather, because the clouds outside covered any sunlight that could pour in, but your duties are your duties.

You’re so sore.

\---

Eventually you make it back to the garden to finish your assigned sunlight time, and eventually you make it back upstairs to your room.

A week passes, and you've already completely forgotten about that conversation with Asriel. It didn't actually mean anything, after all; it wasn't like another year made much of a difference.

Except for the fact that as time passed, the chances of a growth spurt to rescue you from shortness hell decreased. Ugh.

Right now you're sitting on your bed with a pillow behind your back for support and under your feet for the swelling, having grabbed both your reading glasses and that book you had been planning to finish but just couldn't find the patience to slog through.

Your vision had been getting weaker the more time passed. It wasn't that bad, though; you only needed them if you wanted to read something, and it made you closer to Toriel, too, something else you had in common with her. You could live with this.

You flip open the book to where you left your ridiculous novelty googly eyes bookmark, and start reading.

The problem with the underground was that the selection of books was, to say the least, lacking. Snowdin’s library had the biggest collection in the underground, but even then, the books were, well.

For crying out loud, you were holding a collection of some kids’ _school reports._

You just sigh, settle in, adjust your glasses, and begin reading.

Or, you try to, because someone barges in and interrupts your train of thought.

...It's been a while, and you really shouldn't be acting this way, but you flinch. It seems like Asriel doesn’t notice, though, because he doesn’t react and just starts talking. You aren’t upset with him, not at all, but it still rattles you to your core.

“Chara!” His eyes are gleaming. “You should come with me to the garden, like, right now.”

You tilt your head at that.

“I already sat in the sunlight.” And truthfully, you didn’t really feel like getting back up from your soft and warm nest just to go to the garden, which was freezing cold this time of year.

He makes a little whining noise.

“Come on, it’s going to be fun!” When you just stare him down, he blinks, and decides to keep going. “If you’re too tired, I could just carry you, you know.”

You wrinkle your nose a little bit at that. Asriel could lift you quite easily now, and it wasn’t fair, because you were still ridiculously tiny and still hadn’t grown a single bit in the last three years. Not to mention the fact that the damage you did to your body meant that you definitely wouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting any time soon.

Didn’t make you any less bitter about it.

“I can walk,” you grumble, slowly dragging yourself to your feet, grabbing a pillow just in case you were going to be spending any length of time out there. You have the book too; it was something to pass the time, in case you were expected to sit in the sunlight for more hours than you already did.

It seems like Asriel noticed your discomfort, and offers a hand to help you get up.

You've lived with the Dreemurrs for almost three years, and you're still not...completely comfortable with things like physical contact. The fact remained that Asgore and Toriel were physically much stronger than you, especially after your attempt, and even Asriel had outgrown you by now. When you were both around the same height, you felt more equal, but now? He was so, so much stronger than you. Asriel was loyal and Asriel cared about you, but the instinctive fear of powerful people remained.

You already knew what it was like to be grabbed by someone and being too weak to get away, held down, pulled, you -

No. No, you couldn't go down that path. You shake your head a bit to maybe clear your mind, and struggle to your feet on your own. Asriel seems a little hurt by this, but it was what it was, and the two of you set off.

Even with all of your pillows, your whole body is still sore, and you feel so, so cold. He seems to notice this, because while you’re pulling on your boots near the top of the stairwell, he casually lights a flame in his hand, close enough to warm you but not to touch.

He’s getting better and better at controlling his magic every single day. You’re kind of jealous, because as a human, you have no idea what kind of magic you could do; you could barely summon any sort of bullet, at most just make an existing object stronger.

(Admittedly, making a knife _glow red_ was _so cool._ You just wanted to do even more.)

Asgore thought you might have more of an affinity for human-type magic than monster-type, and had been doing a lot of research with you on how that might work, but you just didn’t have the heart to tell him that something reminding you of your own ugly humanity just made you feel sick. He was working so hard, for your sake, and all you did was act like an ungrateful, disgusting brat.

It’s not relevant though because now Asriel’s pulling you down the stairs a little more quickly than you were comfortable with and your right ankle gives out from underneath you. You brace yourself for impact, because you’ve done this before, it was going to hurt but you’re the _fallen human,_ you were supposed to be good at falling, ahaha.

It’s not that funny.

But somehow, you manage to stay upright. You’re a little confused at first, until you look to the side and realize that Asriel caught you, the flame now extinguished.

...you don’t really know what to say, but he slowly eases you down, letting you test to see if your foot can hold your weight again before completely letting you go. And he does, which you’re grateful for, because it was bad enough that you required help at all, but because this is Asriel, he isn’t done yet.

“Can’t I just carry you?” You don’t respond at first, just give him an incredulous look. “It’ll be faster, and you should really come see the garden!!”

You cared for Asriel a great deal, but he never quite grew out of that phase where he just really wanted what he wanted _now_ instead of waiting patiently.

It’s a very simple answer, despite your near-fall.

“No.” Again, he pouts, and you still don’t think he knows he’s doing it.

“But it’ll be faster!” It had been bad enough that you needed to be caught at all, and you grateful to him for it, but this was something you couldn’t budge on.

“I already said no.” It looks like he’s about to say something else, but instead he just sighs and continues through the corridor, a little more slowly this time so you can catch up.

The two of you continue in silence, you boots hardly making a sound while the claws on his feet click gently. One advantage of barely growing at all since your fall was that these boots still fit you; at this point they were almost six years old and incredibly worn out, but you definitely didn’t want to replace them. That involved having to ask the Dreemurrs to buy you another pair, because it’s not like beings who didn’t wear shoes at all would have any spares left for you, so you just had to make due and take care of them as best as you could.

It occurs to you that you could’ve just taken the elevator, but it was already too late; you were already halfway there, and it wouldn’t be that much less of a hassle to go back and find it.

Oh well. You’ve been working off that attitude for a while now; it is what it is and you can’t change it, so there’s no use in mulling over it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but for now all you could do was suffer through walking what _should_ be a simple short distance from the Dreemurrs’ home to the garden.

He glances at you again, and opens his mouth as if to say something, but then he seems to think better of it and just looks straight ahead. Good.

It always makes you nervous, walking across this thin bridge strip that has nothing but a long fall on each side. You knew Asgore and Toriel would add railings if you asked for it - they give you so much - but…

It feels like you just take and take and take. Your one attempt to give them something back for once in your pathetic life just backfired and left you in such a state that you just caused even more of a problem every single day, every single time you saw Toriel pouring over old books for information on human bodies, every time Asgore helped her by compiling everything they’ve learned into a more convenient set of notes.

You’re so tired.

It feels like forever, but you finally made it to the garden, and you finally did it all on your own. You would take a moment to be proud, except then Asriel brushes a hand against your arm, the barest of touches.

You take a deep breath. You're fine.

“Wait here for a sec!” You turn around to face him, and even though his words are cheerful now, his expression still seems a little more careful.

There's a lot of questions running through your mind, but you're decent enough off right now that you can just nod and lean against the pillar, pillow and book still in hand.

You hope you don't have to wait that long, because your ankles had been sore from the beginning and that was just getting worse. 

There seems to be some sort of crashing noise coming in from inside, and you're not sure what to make of it. But you don't have much to mull it over, because it's then that Asriel bursts through the entryway, looking somewhat ruffled.

“Chara!” His voice is, for lack of a better word, bouncy. “You can come in now. And…” And now he's careful. “You can hold my arm, if you want?”

Maybe it's because he asked this time, maybe it's because you've had this entire walk to calm down a bit, but you take him up on his offer. Yeah, you feel a little better now.

You walk into the garden, and - 

“Surprise!”

The sudden noise makes you flinch and curl up on yourself a bit, gripping Asriel’s arm a little more tightly. You're not used to sudden noise, and your head’s spinning, and you nearly fall to ground - 

...except then Asriel is there to catch you, his arm around your shoulders to support you until you can stand again.

You're reminded of something he said before, back when you were in such a state that you could barely sit up and speak. Friends support each other, so if you couldn't do something on your own, he'd do it for you. You...you're a little grateful for that, right now.

Now that you were calmer, you could finally slow down and assess the situation.

First: Asgore and Toriel were standing in front of you. They must have been the ones to say surprise, along with Asriel, but now their faces had fallen and the only way to describe it is concerned. You feel like curling up on the ground again, but Asriel’s arm is still around your shoulders and he's still holding you up. It's so much nicer than you could ever deserve, but if you go down that spiral you'll never escape it.

It's Asgore who speaks first.

“Chara?” His voice is careful, very careful, as if he's afraid of upsetting you again. You want to lie down, because your head hurts, your body hurts, your heart hurts, and you're so tired.

But you can't lie down. Asriel’s still holding on, so you couldn't fall even if you tried.

“Are you alright?” He steps a little closer, and Toriel isn't far behind.

“My child?” Her voice is just as careful as his. “Do you feel ill? Perhaps you should rest for a bit - “

You're still taking deep breaths, you're still busy calming down, but you wave off both of them.

“I'm. I'm fine. _Just startled,_ you're about to say, but that would be pathetic, wouldn't it? A pathetic person like you who couldn't even handle loud voices or noises, weak, weak, weak. You couldn't bear it.

“Are you sure?” Asgore asks gently, as if he's afraid of upsetting you even more. He probably is. He's just that kind of person, and even if you spent the rest of time wondering why, you'd never understand why he's so kind to you.

“I'm. I'm fine, I swear I'm fine.” Your voice comes out a little softer and a little more frantic than you would've liked, but there's no way to take that back right now. He seems to accept it, but Toriel still has a few more questions.

“Do you hurt anywhere? Are you sure you don't need to lie down?”

“I’m fine. I really am fine.” It's only partially a lie; you're definitely in pain, all through your body and concentrated in your belly and your right ankle, and maybe you _should_ lie down, but you don't want to. She'd force you to, so you decline.

Toriel doesn't seem completely satisfied, though, because her expression doesn’t change, even if she doesn’t press you.

You let out a sigh that must sound more annoyed than you actually feel, because somehow she looks even more worried, and the churning guilt in your gut hurts more than your damaged stomach ever could.

She doesn't comment on it though, instead gesturing to behind her, where you can see a picnic blanket with some pillows resting on one side. They already prepared a seat for you

“You can rest here, my child.” But now that you're focusing on the room instead of just the people standing in the room, your mouth falls open.

There's a tray with a number of foods on it, but the biggest thing is a huge chocolate cake and your mouth is _definitely_ not watering a little bit. It’s almost enough to distract you from the fact that it’s snowing again, hard.

Seeing your expression seems to cheer her up a little bit, because you can tell her voice is a little more cheerful now.

“Happy late birthday, my child.” Asgore is the one to speak next.

“We're sorry, Chara, we did not mean to startle you.”

You look over at Asriel, who's scratching the back of his head.

“The whole surprise thing was my idea,” he says a little apologetically. “I got a little too excited, and wasn't thinking that hard about it, but you wouldn’t have wanted a party if you knew, so you _couldn’t_ know about it! But I’m sorry for the who startling you part.” You give him a careful look.

You don't deserve to have a best friend.

You can't bear to look at him anymore, so you look around instead. There's a large yellow banner hanging from two poles they seemed to have set up, saying in large white letters, _HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY, CHARA!_

You're not tearing up. You're not.

Turns out Asriel had still been talking.

“ - So yeah, you can sit down! We haven't even gotten to the presents yet!”

You don't really process the second part of that sentence, but sitting down seems nice. You just nod at him, and he helps you over to the blanket, where you sit down and adjust the pillows until you're somewhere near comfortable. This is the first time you got to rest since Asriel came to fetch you, and you just settle back with a little sigh of relief.

He goes over to his parents and seems to be telling them something in hushed whispers. You try not to worry about it, but your chest tightens in anxiety anyway. Maybe all of them decided that you were too ungrateful and horrible, and they'd just throw you out, or maybe even finally kill you for your soul, and that wouldn't be so bad, you think, maybe it'd be faster than your failed attempt -

“Chara?” Except Asriel’s back already, and there's something hidden behind his back, as if he hoped you wouldn't be able to tell. Haha.

Asgore and Toriel are right behind him, and it's Asgore who steps forward first, kneeling by your side and pulling a small box out of his cape. It's a pretty blue color with a golden ribbon, and he holds it out to you as if he expects you to open it.

At this point Toriel is here too, also sitting near you as if to look at you on your own level.

“My child,” and now she's smiling gently, “Happy late birthday. I'm sorry we couldn't do anything sooner, but - “

“ - N-no.” No. “You. You didn't know.” You want to say more, to explain how this was already more than you could ever deserve to have, but the words are stuck in your throat. Both of them seem to understand, because they say nothing else, and Asgore simply places the box in your lap.

Not know what else to do, you simply unwrap it, doing your best to be careful and keep the paper and ribbon intact. This means it takes a little longer for you to finish, but eventually you get it open and…

“Oh,” you say in a small voice. Oh.

It's a brand new trowel, shiny and new, and you pick it up to examine it. It's...it's…

It's perfect.

“We thought you might want some gardening supplies for your very own,” Asgore says kindly. “Look in the box again.”

You do as he says, and there are a few small packets left inside. It's a little hard to read the print without your reading glasses, but with a little squinting, you manage.

Roses. Yellow roses. You faintly remember that roses are edible and people have been making rose drinks for thousands of years, and wonder if he was thinking about that, too.

In particular, you remember rose sharbat, twice a year, Eid al-Fitr, Eid al-Adha, sometimes the last 10 days of Ramadan, if you were lucky.

You were rarely lucky, and you don't even notice when the tears you've been blinking back this whole time finally start to fall. You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve any of this.

You try to cover your face somehow, pull your sweater’s collar over your eyes, and mostly you just...you just…

You don't don’t.

“Dear?” Toriel’s talking again, and you want to look up at her, but the tears are still falling. She doesn't say anything for a moment, but she gently places her handkerchief on your lap.

...you pick it up, pull down your sweater a bit, and wipe your eyes.

She gets up then, and Asgore a few moments after her. You aren't looking at their faces, so you can't tell what they're thinking, but they step back and allow Asriel to sit by you instead.

You don't look at him directly either, because you probably still look pathetic and gross, but you don't need to guess because he's already talking.

“Chara! I got you a present too, and I wanted it to be special, but…” And now he's scratching the back of his head. “I - nevermind.” He just pulls out his other hand from behind his back and places a box on your lap, which you look at curiously.

It's easy to open, at least. You pull off the lid, and…

He's talking before you can even look inside.

“I wanted to make something for you myself! And I remembered that you can knit, and you like knitting, so..”

It's a mess of yarn, maybe 20 centimeters long and wide, with more tangles than stitches. The needles are still attached, signaling that it wasn't complete, and to be honest, you have no idea what it was supposed to be.

You love it.

“I was gonna make you a sweater, but Mom said that would be too hard and that I shouldn’t be too ambitious and maybe hold off on knitting anything until next year, but I wanted to make something anyway! So I switched to a scarf, but that was pretty tough to make too...”

You don't say anything for a moment, just staring at this absolute mess. When he speaks again, it's a little nervous.

“Um...I was gonna show it to you and finish later, which was why I didn't wrap it...I'm sorry if you don't like - “

Before he can finish that sentence, you practically leap forward and hug him, and you decide the nausea you feel at the sudden movement is worth it when he slowly hugs you back.

It’s okay right now. It’s okay.

\---

It isn’t until after everyone's settled down on the picnic blanket and you're biting into a slice of that cake that something comes and interrupts this.

Or maybe it’s been here for a while and you never realized. You could never tell with whimsuns; they were all so quiet and so afraid of interrupting that it could’ve seen the entire thing and you never would have realized.

“U-um…” You feel bad for it, you really do; monsters were so kind, and you didn’t believe for a moment that something terrible might’ve been done to it, but you couldn’t help but associate that kind of fear with, well...Anyway. “Y-your m-majesty?”

Asgore seems to notice it too, and puts down his own plate to face the small newcomer.

“Oh, hello there! Is there something you needed?”

“I-I...um…”

“It’s alright, take your time,” Toriel gently reassures it. The whimsun just seems to shake even more at that.

“Th-there...there’s…”

“Yeah? What did you want?” You almost want to pinch Asriel, because couldn’t he tell talking was just going to make the poor monster even more nervous?

It closes its eyes and balls up its tiny fists, and if it was preparing itself to say something, and finally - 

“A-another human’s fallen down!”

You drop your plate onto your lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the line near the beginning about turning around and being a certain age is from a song i was taught my childhood for which the title and most of the verses escape me, beyond that it was about the inevitability of death. felt fitting!
> 
> chara's stomach, liver, and kidneys have been pretty badly damaged by the buttercups, the stomach for obvious reasons, and the liver + kidneys because both of those organs are meant to flush out toxins, but when there are too many toxins, well...they bear the brunt of the damage.
> 
> i headcanon chara as afghan, and rose sharbat is often drunk on holidays. the fact that they get something they could make it with on their birthday...


	2. Chapter 2

_You had very few options._

_It was your own foolishness that brought you here, and now the snow was coming down far too heavily, freezing you to your core. Your thick winter coat may as well have been paper._

_You needed to hurry before you fainted of cold. You were too far from the village to head back, far too much of your strength had already been sapped for you to be able to go home in this weather, so your only choice was to find some sort of shelter where you could wait out the storm._

_Pulling your coat more tightly around you, you squint in a desperate attempt to see through the blizzard. Cave, cave, cave..._

_...there’s a dark space ahead of you, though you can’t tell much more beyond that with this visibility. Your legs are getting weaker the more time passes, and you can no longer feel your skin. This might be your only chance._

_You slowly approach the dark spot, and discover that it’s...a hole? It’s snowing too hard for you to tell how deep it is, but it doesn’t seem like there’d just be a big cavern up in the mountains; you’d probably have heard of it if there were._

_Maybe you could crawl down and there’d be a little crag that could shield you from the snow until it finally eased up. Maybe there was nothing there. Maybe it was deeper than you thought and you would fall to your doom. Maybe this was pointless, and you would die here no matter what you did._

_But it’s a sliver of hope versus certain death. You choose hope._

_So you approach the hole, and you try to climb down. It isn’t bad at first, because despite your stiff limbs you somehow find enough hand- and footholds to not slip immediately, but then..._

_Your knee gives out at the most inconvenient of moments, and you fall._

~~~~~~~

The first order of business is obviously to clean up the mess on your lap. _Small steps, Chara, small steps…_

But even then all you can do is stare downwards. It's not as bad as your brain kept insisting it was at first; the cake didn't slid off the plate, so there were only minor chocolate smudges to be wiped off. Still, though, it's hard to do anything but stare.

Alright. Alright. Alright.

You...never thought about what would happen if you were to ever speak to another human. You'd made peace with it, long ago, that you'd never see the surface again. You would die - one way or another - and then your soul would be taken and somehow monsters would be freed. So it was fine. It was fine, it was fine, it was fine.

No, but really, it was okay if you never got to breathe truly fresh air or see your favorite flowers ever again, because you...

You wouldn't have to see any of the people who had ever hurt you ever again, either. You were safe like this. But now someone else had done what you did, someone else climbed and fell, and you had no idea who it was. Your thoughts kept spinning around and around and around in your head, because what if someone had followed you? Someone decided they wanted to drag you back? What if it was one of _them?_

Your chest tightens. It could be so many things, so many many things, and your mind keeps spinning around around around around around...

Cake. Focus on the cake.

Step one, look down. Check. Step two, grab napkin. Check. Step three, wipe chocolate. Check. You're doing this, you're doing something, just keep going.

And so you slowly do what you set out to, and the mess is (mostly) dealt with.

Task one complete. But now what do you do?

Without a clear goal, now you really were forced to stop and process the information that _another human fell._ It didn't make any sense; you were the first one in millennia,so...?

...Maybe you should try focusing on what everyone was talking about, latch on to the sounds of their voices instead of your own internal one.

It seems like the whimsun had used up all of its courage in that declaration, because now it was crying too much to speak, even as Toriel and Asgore tried to calm it down.

“ - Please, tell us where the human is now,” Toriel urged, voice kind but serious. 

“Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention,” Asgore said, in a similar tone, “And we need to know where they are to help them. Can you lead us to where they are?”

The whimsun kept sniffling, but slowly, slowly, its hiccuping sobs died down.

“I-I...th-they’re with Itsy and B-Bitsy...” the whimsun replies, voice still shaky. You don't actually know who those people are, but apparently they’re tending to the human.

Alright.

“Are they injured?” 

The whimsun nodded.

“Th-th-they c-can’t stand up, and th-there was s-some red stuff leaking f-from them...”

“Red...?” Toriel’s eyes widened, and her voice somehow became even more serious. “Lead me to them immediately, please.”

And just like that, both of them were gone.

Alright 

\---

It just made sense, everyone said. It was only logical, everyone said. It would be nice, everyone said, if the royal family took in the second fallen human. The first would have someone like them to befriend, right?

Didn’t say, but were thinking, probably. You could tell.

It felt like all you did was blink before hours passed and the new human was brought to New Home. They were in Toriel’s room right now, laid out on her bed while she tended to their injuries.

You don't know the details - you didn't even ask - but apparently they were much worse off than you had been when you fell.

Alright.

But you really should be focusing on the homework Toriel had given you. Actual homework this time, a set of problems from the math textbook she used to teach you, and you were sitting on your best with the book, your notebook, and a hard board you used as a flat surface for when you weren’t sitting at an actual table and needed someone to write on.

This wasn’t hiding, because you were being productive. You were _working._ You were working.

For a certain definition of working, because so far you had made absolutely no progress. Except for your name in neat letters at the top and the first problem written right below it, the page was completely blank.

God, what was wrong with you?

There was another human in the room right next door, and from the brief glimpse you caught of them when they were being carried in, right before you scurried into your room and shut the door, it seemed like they were just a little kid. A little kid who was apparently severely injured, and you were so much of a coward that you, a goddamn teenager, were hiding from them.

You feel like throwing up even more than you usually do.

Instead of doing that, you just stack your board, textbook, and notebook in a neat pile on the floor by your bed, curl up into a ball, and pull your blanket over yourself. You won’t actually be able to take a nap - you can barely sleep at night, let alone during the day - but you feel like being somewhere dark right now.

Someone is opening the door, and your skin prickles with discomfort. You hate having your back to the door if it isn’t locked, but Asriel isn’t here, so it’s not like you could just lock him out of his own room if he wanted to enter. It’s a testament to how long you’ve been here (as well as how difficult it would be for you to pull it off anyway, after what you did to yourself) that you don’t sit straight up and _run._

“Chara?”

Except then it’s just Asriel, and you relax a little bit. It’s never a bad person, because no one ever comes in here except Asriel, Asgore, and Toriel, but that doesn’t the little shock of fear every single time. It doesn’t stop you from remembering other times someone found you when you were alone in a room, long ago.

You’re a mess and you hate it.

Instead of being a decent person and answering him, you just go very still and pretend to be napping. You never actually nap, but you pretend to nap often enough that he might believe it and leave you alone.

He doesn’t. At first, it seems like he will; you can’t actually see him through the blanket, but from what you can hear, he seems to go straight to his bed and do...something. It sounds like some sort of shuffling, and your first guess is that he’s trying to grab one of the plushies he keeps between it and the wall. And then you don’t hear much else, so you assume he’s doing something or another over there and don’t think about it much more.

Except at some point he gets up, and you can hear him approaching your bed, and then suddenly a soft weight plops on you. It takes you a moment to figure out that he just dropped one of his giant plushies on top of you.

Who even does that?

...but it makes you smile anyway, just a little. You don't sit up and you don't talk to him, but you dart out one hand to grab the plushie, pull it under the blanket, and hug it tightly. He doesn't question you, but he does sit at the foot of your bed, and you have to move your legs to make room for him.

At least, he doesn't question you at first. Eventually, though, he speaks.

“Um. Chara?” His tone is careful, and you can detect concern in it. He's worried about something...which makes sense, considering how you're holed up in your room.

You don't feel like answering, but you do anyway, because he doesn't deserve to be left hanging like that. He gets insecure about your friendship easily, you know that, and even if it's hard you need to at least try to accommodate that. That's just what best friends do.

You hold on to the plushie a little tighter.

“Yeah?”

“Um...” He pauses. “Uh. So...How do you feel about the new human?”

You...weren't actually expecting that. He definitely sounded nervous, like he was afraid of what your answer might be, and you had no idea why. Why would he be so nervous about that anyway?

Slowly, you sat up, pulling off the blanket and leaning against the headboard. You abdomen still ached and you still felt so cold, but at least you were slightly less anxious now that you could think about something other than your own anxiety spiral.

Asriel picked at his sleeves, and something was definitely wrong, but no matter how much you thought about it, you couldn’t understand what he was so nervous about. Maybe he was worried on your behalf? But that didn’t feel right either.

“They...” You paused, trying to find the words. Your throat feels tight and you don’t know what to say, because it’s been _so long_ since you’ve spoken to another human, and at this point you’ve completely forgotten how.

They were a child, and you were a grown teenager. This was pathetic. You needed to be better than this, because no one had been better for you, but it was still so hard.

“I haven’t spoken to them.” You speak slowly, clearly enunciating each word. “So...I can’t say anything.”

He ponders over your words, and you don’t get it, not really.

It’s been so long and you and Asriel still seem to barely understand each other.

“Um...Do you...” He struggles to get the words out. “Are you...happy that you’ll have a human to talk to?”

What.

“What do you mean?”

“Just.” And now he was pulling at his collar. “Do you...think you two could...talk about, like, human stuff?”

...alright, now you think you might understand where he was going with all of this. But just because you understood didn’t make it any less surprising. Was he actually worried that you might like the other human more than him?

You sit up a little straighter, hug the plushie, and look him straight in the eye.

“Asriel, if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking - don’t worry about it.” He perks up, a little bit of surprise showing on his face, but also a bit of relief.

“That depends on what I’m thinking,” he points out, and you snort. True.

“Good point. What I’m thinking you’re thinking is - I’m going to relate more to the human than to you, and then I’ll leave you behind, blah blah blah.” You wave your hand around, and he seems amused by that.

And then he looks off to the side.

“So...Am I right?”

You give him a slightly exasperated expression, because - that was the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard, even if you couldn’t blame him for thinking that, because he was just that kind of person. Of course he’d worry about this, because it’s just who he is.

“Of course not. I’m not going to leave you behind just because there’s another human here. In fact, I - “ Except you stopped yourself before you could finish that sentence, because. You weren’t sure if you actually wanted to let him know how pathetic you were for being scared of a little kid. You were supposed to be more mature than this, because you were fifteen, and they were - well, you didn’t actually know, but they were certainly younger than you.

Okay, find another way to complete that thought before the silence became too awkward.

“ - We’re best friends, okay? You don’t have to worry about that changing just because of someone new showing up.”

His face still looked a little doubtful, but it seemed like he relaxed. Good, because if he was calmer, it helped _you_ be calmer, and that was called symbiosis probably. You wouldn’t know, you didn’t even finish your homework.

You gingerly lean over the side of your bed to grab your homework where you had left it, and plop it down on your lap.

“You know, just because Toriel is busy doesn’t mean she’s not gonna ask about homework. We should probably get to work on that.”

“Blehhh.” Asriel stuck out his tongue, but it also seemed like he had cheered up a bit. “Do we have to?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, fine.”

\---

You don't actually want the kid to _die._

You weren't the greatest person, you knew this for a fact, but you didn't want a child to die; despite everything, despite how much of a horrible, awful, selfish person you were, you would never be capable of actually wanting a child to _die_. But the thing was, it seems like everyone already decided the second fallen human was going to be staying here, and if they would be living here from now on, a confrontation would happen at some point. The only possible outcome where this didn’t happen was if they died of their injuries, 

Maybe confrontation isn't the right word. At age 15, you're practically an adult, in your eyes. You have no idea how old the second child is, but from what little you've seen of them...

...they're a child. It was your responsibility to be kind to children. Your issues were your own. You couldn't just, you couldn't just - you _had_ to be stronger than you were.

The human had been dealing with what Toriel called “cold sickness”, or hypothermia, you guessed, and so she hadn’t brought them out into the garden to soak up sunlight the way she carried you during your own “illness”. There was barely any sunlight these days anyway, and the child needed all the warmth they could get for now, so taking them out into the cold again was undesirable, to say the least.

This wouldn't last forever. Asgore’s expression was careful; you knew, he knew, and you knew he knew.

“Chara.” It seemed like he was doing his best to choose his words carefully, and you couldn't help but start to feel annoyed by it. Not with him, though; you’re the one who’s so pathetic that he feels the need to do this.

“Yes?”

“I...” You could guess where this was going. “Toriel wanted me to tell you...She will be taking the human to the garden in an hour, so if you have anything you need to do here...”

The implication was obvious. You just nodded and put on your best smile.

It probably looked more like a grimace than anything else, but he accepted it, which was all that mattered.

So. Options.

One: Get up immediately and go back to your room until they were done. You'd been hiding there for a while anyway, so things wouldn't be that different.

Two: Wait until the hour was almost done, but this ran the risk of running into Toriel as she carried the human out here.

Three: ...stay.

Alright. Deep breaths, Chara, deep breaths.

You rock back and forth gently, enough to calm your nerves but not so quickly as to upset your pitiful stomach. It's easier to focus like this, just a little bit, even if Asgore is looking at you strangely.

Option one was the easiest. You wouldn't have to do anything you didn't already do; you'd just be going to your room, and nothing would be wrong! Nothing at all.

Option two would be nearly the same, you just didn't need to stand up right away. Again, though, there ran the risk of inadvertently running into the human on their way down.

Option three...

...the thing was...

The problem with options one and two was that that they both make you feel like an absolute weakling, pathetic and pitiful to run away from a child, someone younger than you, even though they were _fifteen._ It’s your _responsibility_ to be better than this.

You cover your face in your hands and are unendingly grateful when Asgore didn't question it.

\---

You don't move for the entire hour.

That statement was perhaps a little more literal than you found dignified, because you were supposed to be an adult, not someone frozen in place by a goddamn child. Asgore quietly laid out blankets and pillows for them, a similar setup to your own from your illness, with some modifications due to the colder weather. You felt pathetic for not helping, but...it took enough of your energy to force yourself not to bolt out of the garden and lock yourself in the smallest, darkest place you could find.

Being frozen was better than running away, and so you stayed, until you could finally hear the unmistakable sound of Toriel’s heavy footsteps.

Ah. So they were here.

You tug on your hair a little bit and try to take deep breaths. _You_ were the one who decided to do this, and _you_ were the one who rejected all the opportunities you had to back out. It’s too late for that now, you need to finish what you started. You need to keep going.

And there they were.

Toriel seems a little surprised when she sees you’re still here. You can see her eyes dart to Asgore, who does nothing but shrug. _They wanted to do this,_ his expression says, and it looks like she accepts that, because she doesn’t comment on your presence, instead simply going over to the blanket and pillow setup Asgore prepared, and gently laying the human atop it.

You don’t want to look at them, but you also don’t _not_ want to look at them, and the entire reason you stayed was so you could get used to this kid being here and stop being a whiny, ugly, pathetic, horrible coward, you _need_ to look at them to do that.

_Deep breaths, Chara, deep breaths._

You clutch the fabric of your sweater, puff out your cheeks, and turn to face the human.

They’re staring at you and you’re immediately filled with regret.

The human’s eyes are a bright, bright blue, almost like your vague memories of cloudless winter skies, a sharp contrast to their dark hair and brown skin. They're a bit disheveled in a very familiar way, that of someone who hasn't had the ability to tidy themself up on their own and could only do so with assistance, and their gaze is so intense that you quickly avert your eyes. But they’re a kid, you should be better than this, they’re just a kid. You weren’t exactly sure how old they were, but they looked about the same age you were when you climbed. The thought that they might not be that different from you at all is a confusing one.

You feel nauseous and cold, and you sort of _did_ meet your goal, didn’t you? You didn’t run away, you looked at them directly (even if that didn’t last long), you did it. You did it.

You could leave now, if you wanted, and you’re already exhausted. The thought is tempting.

But you don’t, because that doesn't feel right either. You need to do this. It's so quiet. The human is still staring.

You cough, and your lungs feel like they're on fire.

“Greetings,” you try, and your mouth somehow feels even drier than usual.

The human stares. Toriel and Asgore are staring too, even though they try to hide it. They must be concerned, you wonder vaguely, and it’s a strange thought.

“...hi,” they mumble quietly. God, this was awkward. Why did you think this was a good idea? You had nothing to say.

“I am...I am Chara. Use - “ Over the past few years you've lived underground, it had become almost automatic for you to add on your pronouns when introducing yourself. That was just how monsters did things, and you had become accustomed to it, but it now occurs to you that this is a human. They wouldn’t know about this, they wouldn’t be used to doing this, and... “Use...use they/them pronouns for me.”

There’s a bit of confusion in their eyes, and you swallow back bile. God, you don’t want them to talk, you don’t want them to question it, it took you so long to get used to being open and okay with being nonbinary, monsters were accepting but this was a _human,_ and - 

“Okay.” Their voice is still soft, but it’s enough to break you out of your thoughts. Alright. “I’m Claire.”

You gulp again, and you really, truly feel like you might simply faint right here. Your head is swimming, your hands are cold, and your entire body aches, but...

This is a kid. Remember, this is a kid. You’re a teenager and this is a kid. Remember that. It’s your responsibility to be good, it’s your responsibility to be understanding, it’s your responsibility to treat younger people with the kindness no one ever showed you. But this is a human, and it’s so, so hard.

You’d sort of just been using they/them for them in your head, because that was just polite, but you really do need to ask for their pronouns at some point. The thought of them getting angry with you over it is a terrifying one, and you sort of just want to curl up in a ball and disappear, but you need to ask this. You have a name, you just. You need to keep going.

“What pronouns should I use for you?”

Dead silence. You kind of want to curl up and die, but at least they aren’t staring at you anymore. In fact, they look...

...nervous. Something like pity twists in your gut, because there’s just something so familiar about this child and you kind of want to give them what you never had.

That’s such a weird thought. You hate yourself for it already.

“...You don’t have to answer,” you say finally. “I can. I can keep using they/them for you, if you’re okay with that.”

The human - Claire, you correct yourself - just nods hesitantly. Alright. Alright.

“Thanks,” they mumble. You don’t know what to make of that, and you don’t know why, but it makes you feel just a little bit braver. They seem alright. Maybe it’ll be alright.

Alright.

Toriel and Asgore are still staring, You glance at them briefly, and - relief. They seem relieved. You aren’t sure what to make of that. Maybe you feel a little relieved too.

“It’s nice to meet you, Claire.”

“...Likewise, Chara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ides of march feels like a good time 2 update
> 
> few notes:
> 
> 1.) ~~~~~~~ separates POV, --- separates scene. as im sure you may have guessed, the first blurb is from the cyan soul's/claire's point of view.
> 
> 2.) claire has ehlers-danlos syndrome, was injured before they fell for reasons that'll be revealed later, was dealing with hypothermia, and then obviously the side effects of falling from that really hecking large distance, so they were far worse off than chara was.
> 
> 3.) fifteen year olds obviously aren't supposed to be 100% mature adults, but this is chara's point of view and that's what they believe. they aren't the most reliable of narrators.


End file.
